Sunday, April 22, 2012 @ 1:23 AM!(:
Year 3 of my final year in RP has finally begun as at 17 April 2012. I'm still trying to grasp that i have one more semester before attachment and then I'm free from poly. However, thinking about life after poly, made me cringe. I have no idea what i want to do with my life. From the start, i knew that I wont do really well in poly to qualify myself for university but i always knew that i want to enter university. There are no one in my family members and the entire family tree line, that anyone has ever enter university life except for my deceased aunt. I want to follow her foot steps. But could i follow her? Not with my current GPA. Theres nothing that could do to change my GPA. But at least, i passed all my modules. And for that, I'm really grateful. I'll probably get into a private university if i want to continue my studies. I just hope that my parents have the means to allow me to continue my studies.
Talking about studies, first week of the semester is really tiring. Theres FYP that needs to be completed, theres new classmates that i have to get used to. I'm not a typical type of person that can get close to other people easily. Guess time will tell if i can get used to others. Right now, my wish is for this semester to end as soon as possible.
Other aspects of my life seems to be getting more and more tedious. I'm not sure how many times i said that i'm perfectly content with my life right now. Having a boyfriend is not something that is a must. Sometimes i do yearn for someone who i can turn to but then i'm not even sure if i'm ever ready for that again. The truth is, my heart is broken too many times that it can't be repaired any longer. I've seen how people easily find another love just after they have broken up. But is it really love?? How can they said that they love their ex but so easily fall in love with others? I'm really really scared right now. What if that love is not love at all? What if its just an obsession? I'm not ready for that! At times, I feel like the only place that i can fall in love and be with the perfect guy, is in my imagination; my alternate universe. In my alternate universe, i fall in love with this perfect guy who loves me deeply. Making me the first women ever he loves. We have such a beautiful life together. But however, all is in my 'alternate universe'. How i wish that i can live there. I just wish that my alternate universe could come true. Nonetheless, its not possible. My heart is locked with a really powerful and special lock that even i could not open it to allow other love to enter. Will i live alone even as i age and my friends gotten married? I hope not! Labels: Year 3 of RP
